Conversation Starters When Your Boyfriend’s An Introvert
The early stages of a relationship are usually the most exciting and difficult since this is the point in which couples are starting to learn more about each other and adjust to each other’s flaws.
These stages can be twice as hard for an introvert and extrovert who are trying to make it work because of the vast differences in their personalities. However, this doesn’t mean that all introvert-extrovert relationships are doomed to fail. One way to avoid a breakup at this point in the relationship is to know how to strike up a conversation with an introvert. Here are some tips on how to find conversation starters with your boyfriend or partner who happens to be an introvert.
Consider your differences
According to Carl Jung, a noted psychologist who first used the terms introvert and extrovert, introverts and extroverts are drawn to one another because of their differences. Their differences can serve as a breath of fresh air, especially if they mostly interact with people who exhibit the same personality as they do. This is why talking about your differences can be excellent conversation starters.
Talk about his interests
Introverts are commonly known for being passionate about their hobbies, such as reading books or watching TV shows. Try to find conversation starters using these hobbies. By doing so, you can hit two birds with one stone by making your partner feel appreciated while knowing more about him in the process. However, you should be sincerely curious about these hobbies. Otherwise, your partner might sense your insincerity and misinterpret your gesture as a form of mockery or patronization.
Find the right time
One of the things that makes introverts so different from extroverts is that they need to recharge by having “alone time” after socializing with other people, including friends and family. Even if you’ve the most interesting topics at hand, these will all go to waste if your partner is exhausted or depleted.
The best time to use conversation starters with your boyfriend is when he is done reading his book or spending time fixing his car. In the event that you catch him at a time in which he isn’t in the mood to engage in a conversation, respect his wishes and use your conversation starters at a later time.
Learn how to read basic body language
Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not too shy to start a conversation. They simply don’t feel the need to express themselves since they think that it can be done without uttering a single word. This is why you should know how to read social cues, which can help you identify the topics that your introvert boyfriend are actually interested in and those that you should avoid.
This will make it easier for you to find conversation starters with your boyfriend since you won’t need to wait for a verbal affirmation or approval from your partner. This will also help you avoid having any arguments regarding your partner’s communication efforts or lack thereof.
Finding Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend: What NOT To DoWhen it comes to striking up a conversation with your boyfriend, it isn’t enough that you’re aware of the topics that you should and should not use. You should also be aware of a couple of simple mannerisms and behaviors that can kill the mood of your partner and, ultimately, your relationship, especially if you’re just starting out. Here are some of the things that you should avoid when it comes to finding conversation starters.
Musing with your phone or digital device
According to a study that was conducted by David Strayer, a researcher in the Applied Cognition Laboratory at the University of Utah, it was revealed that people who use their phones and other digital devices to drive can cause a drop in the concentration of the user. This means that if you use your phone to find conversation starters with your boyfriend or the nearest restaurant, you’re inadvertently shifting your focus away from your partner. This is very counterintuitive since it’ll make it harder for you to find a topic that your partner will most likely enjoy.
Not considering your partner’s cultural background
If you and your partner are just beginning to know each other, then there’s a high chance that you’re not yet aware of certain behaviors and topics that may go against his religious beliefs. Keeping your boyfriend’s religion in mind when it comes to looking for conversation starters ensures that you don’t open sensitive topics. It also helps you avoid certain physical behaviors that may offend him.
In a study that was conducted by two sociologists named Wetzel and Crusco, it was revealed that touching a person that you’re having a conversation with reinforces or brings out positive behavior. However, in a different study that was conducted by an anthropologist named Edward Hall, it was revealed that people’s reactions to touch depends on their religious background. This just goes to show that different people have different perceptions when it comes to conversation starters and overall behavior.
Not making proper eye contact
One of the most fatal mistakes that you can make when it comes to using conversation starters with your boyfriend isn’t making proper eye contact. Several studies suggest that not making eye contact with the person who you’re speaking to is demeaning.
It makes them feel that you see them as someone who is inferior to you. On the other hand, making too much eye contact can also be a turn-off, especially to a man who exhibits introvert-like behavior. Making too much eye contact can also make most people uncomfortable and self-conscious.
Constantly focusing on light topics
For many, using conversation starters considered to be deep and thought-provoking should be avoided at all times. What they don’t realize is that engaging in deep conversations is actually beneficial to a couple regardless of the stage of their relationship. In a study that was conducted by a psychologist named Matthias Mehl at the University of Arizona, it was revealed that people who constantly engage in deep conversations with their loved ones are happier than those who do not.
Also read: Conversation Starters With A Crush
One of the cited reasons for this kind of behavior is the nature of human beings to seek a deeper connection with another human being. This is why you should not be afraid to dabble on deep topics. Just make sure that these topics don’t elicit negative behavior or arguments.
Finding Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend on the Internet
One of the easiest ways to find conversation starters with your boyfriend is to surf the Internet and look for interesting websites that contain topics that you can talk about with your boyfriend. However, since there are a lot of websites that claim to contain these types of topics, finding the ones that you can stick to can be a challenge, especially if you’re not internet-savvy.
This is why it’s best to know some of the websites that can help you find conversation starters the easiest before spending hours trying to find them. Here are some of the websites that you might want to try whenever you’re looking for conversation starters with your boyfriend.
Also known as the website where Internet memes were born, 4chan is a website that is composed of millions of message boards regarding different topics. If your man is into anime and the Japanese culture in general, this website will be the most ideal for you. Since most, if not all, of these message boards are in English, you won’t need to learn how to read Japanese.
Because of the fact that many of the most disturbing pictures, gifs, and videos that are now making its round on the internet came from Reddit, there are a lot of people who think that the website only contains inappropriate and disturbing material. What they don’t realize is that the website contains a lot of colorful and interesting topics that are far from disturbing.
Many of these topics make wonderful conversation starters with your boyfriend, especially if he is into unconventional or unorthodox topics. Just keep in mind that some of these topics can be too dark for a light conversation. Choose the topics that you’re going to use on your boyfriend very wisely.
Being the most animal-friendly website on this list, this is the best website that you can visit if your man is an animal lover. It basically has a shrine dedicated to cats, dogs, and other cute animals. This website is also the easiest to use since the content is all properly arranged into categories.
This will enable you to find conversation starters with your boyfriend quickly. Since the website has moderators and editors, many women find it to be less abrasive than other meme-based websites, even if some of the pictures can be quite graphic. If you’re not yet acquainted with “internet-humor,” this website would be right up your alley.
Perhaps the most popular website among men these days, 9gag.com is known to have millions of visitors each day. According to Social Times, the website was able to rake in 65 million unique viewers in 2012. This is why you should not be surprised if your man is well-acquainted with the website. You can use this to your advantage to find pictures and gifs that can be used as conversation starters.
Conversation Starters With Your Boyfriend That You Should Avoid
When it comes to finding conversation starters with your boyfriend, knowing the topics that you should avoid is just as important as knowing the topics that you should use. This is the best way to ensure that the conversation doesn’t die down after a minute or two or that the conversation is actually beneficial to your relationship instead of being disruptive.
Aside from the regular conversation no-no’s such as politics, religion, and offensive jokes, you should also stay away from other topics that may get under your partner’s nerves. Here are some of these additional topics that you should avoid.
Due to numerous online and offline campaigns, more and more people are becoming aware that checking your social media accounts while having an actual conversation with another person is very rude. What these people don’t realize is that constantly talking about social media is just as rude as constantly checking your phone.
Unless your profession or business is directly related to social media, bringing these types of topics up as conversation starters can be very annoying and irritating to your partner, especially if he isn’t a social media junkie himself. Bringing up the latest picture that you uploaded on Instagram or the latest Facebook post of your friend can also make you look like a narcissist.
Even though shows that feature quirky girls such as New Girl have become a hit among the 18-49 age demographic, this doesn’t mean that all of your quirks and weird habits should be immediately laid out on the table as conversation starters with your boyfriend.
Aside from the fact that your boyfriend might find them as turn-offs, these topics can be too heavy or loaded for a light conversation. This is why these topics should only be tackled when you and your partner are equally invested in the relationship. This means that he will surely love your quirks regardless of how unorthodox they may be.
Your Unmet Expectations
Whether they may be physical, emotional, or intellectual, your unmet preferences will never be ideal conversation starters, even if he claims that he accepts criticism with open arms. In a study that was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it was revealed that the ego of husbands is more easily bruised than the ego of wives.
It’s also a well-known fact that men are more easily and more profoundly offended than women when their ego is bruised. This is why the expectations that your partner were not able to meet can never be good conversation starters.
Knowing more about important family issues is one of the foundations of a solid and long-lasting relationship. This is why many relationship experts encourage couples to talk about this topic at some point before getting engaged or taking the next step. However, if your relationship is fairly new, these types of topics are not great conversation starters.
This is because these topics can open a plethora of emotional problems that can be too much for both of you to handle at an early point in the relationship. It’s also common knowledge that most men are not open when it comes to talking about family and their emotional problems.
By staying away from these topics, you’ll be able to avoid depressing and fight-provoking conversations that may end your relationship right on the spot.
Using Social Media to Find Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend
When social media became the talk of the town in many countries aside from the United States, psychologists, relationship experts, and other professionals all predicted that this type of technology would become the source of tension for many couples.
This prediction was then validated by countless research, such as the one that was published by the Pew Research Internet Project in 2014. In this particular study, it was revealed that 42% of people who are 18-49 years old and are in serious relationships feel that mobile phones are huge distractions in their relationships. However, this doesn’t mean that you cannot use technology to your advantage. For starters, you can use social media to find conversation starters with your boyfriend. Here are some ways that you can do just that.
Use social media to know more about sports
Sports are, and will always be, one of the most interesting topics for most men regardless of their age. According to the Sports Media Consumption Report that was released for 2014, 25% of sports fans use social media to stay updated in the sports world. This means that you can also use social media to find out about the latest NBA scores and the countries that have made it in the finals in the FIFA World Cup. You can also use social media to find interesting and controversial sports personalities that you and your boyfriend can talk about.
Use social media to know the latest news
Gone are the days when people read newspapers and watch television shows in order to find the latest news regarding any topic. Nowadays, many prefer to get their news from their social media feeds. According to the study that was published by the Pew Research Center for the People & The Press, one-third of Americans who are 30 years old and below prefer to get their news from their social media accounts.
This is why it isn’t really a surprise that you can now find news that can serve as conversation starters using social media.
Use social media to know about the latest scandals
One of the negative impacts of social media is that this gave gossipers and other sources the platform that they need to spread malicious news about famous personalities. This, however, is good news for you since this makes social media the best source for scandals that you can use as conversation starters with your boyfriend. But, you need to make sure that the scandal that you choose to discuss is actually appealing to your boyfriend. It’s best to use the scandals of famous sports personalities or celebrities instead of religious or political leaders.
Use social media to find hilarious material
Over the years, social media has become the easiest way for many comedians and artists who wish to express themselves humorously to gain popularity and spread cheer. This is why funny viral videos, including 7-second ones that are now more popularly known as “vines,” are most commonly distributed through social media. Use this to your advantage by finding funny content that you can use as conversation starters with your boyfriend.
Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend for Extroverts
Communication is always an issue with introvert-extrovert couples because of the stark differences in their personalities and overall demeanor. This is why there are a lot of extroverts who go out of their way to make adjustments based on the needs of their partners to be alone.
However, this doesn’t mean that extroverts are the only ones who need to do all the work. Introverts such as yourself can help by using the right ways to find conversation starters even if you’re not much of a talker. Here are some examples.
Take the time to recharge
Most of the time, extroverts want to chat after a long and hard day’s work. Meanwhile, introverts usually want to be left alone once they get home from work. It’s because of this difference that many introverts think that the best way to approach the situation is to force themselves to engage in a conversation once they’re at home.
What they don’t realize is that this isn’t ideal since there’s a high chance that your partner might misinterpret your actions and think that you’re only forcing yourself to talk to him or her. This is why it’s best to find conversation starters after you’ve had some alone time to recharge. However, before doing so, you need to explain to your partner that you’ll need some time alone before the conversation can begin.
Another issue that plagues many introvert-extrovert couples is phone-related issues. Introverts are not as fond of having conversations over the phone as extroverts. This is why their incoming calls are ignored most of the time. However, this doesn’t give you the right to ignore your partner’s calls.
This also doesn’t give you the right to be unenthusiastic whenever he calls. One way to get over this characteristic is to be prepared with conversation starters even if you’re not expecting a call. This is the best way to not be caught off guard whenever he wants to have a phone conversation with you and that you actually have something fun to talk about.
Learn to take your differences in stride and use them to your advantage
There are times where introverts overanalyze these differences to the point that they can no longer concentrate on the relationship itself. What they don’t realize is that these differences can be excellent conversation starters, especially if he is taking these differences in stride as well.
By using these differences to start conversations, you and your partner will be able to form a deeper relationship since your differences will almost become unnoticeable.
Don’t be judgmental
For an introvert, the social world of extroverts is a wild and unexplored territory that they would rather not know more about. This point of view is what creates friction for many introvert-extrovert couples. To avoid this friction, you should always remember that you should not be judgmental when it comes to your partner’s social events.
You should instead use this as a way to start conversations. Ask him about these parties and these events with an open and curious mind. This way, he won’t misinterpret your intentions and think that you’re mocking his need to socialize.
Finding Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend Based on His Hobbies
One of the easiest ways to find conversation starters with your boyfriend is to know his hobbies and interests. Thanks to social media, you can gain access to this kind of information without asking your boyfriend awkward questions that might even sound stalker-like to some.
However, this doesn’t mean that you can just use this type of information haphazardly. One wrong use of this information and your boyfriend might not want to talk about his hobbies and interests with you ever again. Here are some tips that can help ensure that you avoid any type of misuse.
Find an aspect that you’re actually interested in
This is very important, especially if your boyfriend knows you well enough to read your body language. This is because at this point, your boyfriend will be able to tell if you actually like to talk about a specific topic or if you’re just forcing yourself to talk about it in order to have a conversation. For example, if your boyfriend likes a sport that you’re not interested in, you can take a look at the players to see if they pique your interest. If not, then you can take a look at the controversies that surround the sport.
Don’t overuse it
One of the most common mistakes that you should avoid when it comes to finding and using conversation starters with your boyfriend is using the same topic over and over again. Overusing a particular topic will make it easier for you to run out of things to talk about, which is never good.
Talking about the same thing over and over again will eventually become too boring for your partner as well. This is why it’s a good idea to find more than one hobby that can break the chain of monotony at any given time.
Approach the subject with an open mind
If you’re going to use his hobbies and interests as conversation starters, you should not be judgmental in any shape or form. Once your partner senses your negative point of view regarding his hobbies and interests, there’s no going back. From that point on, he will think that you don’t like him for who he is and he won’t see the point in sharing his dreams and aspirations with you since he will automatically assume that you’ll be against them. This is why you need to have a positive outlook before using hobbies and interests as conversation starters with your boyfriend.
Approach the subject casually
When a relationship is fairly fresh and new, talking about loaded topics such as his future plans isn’t advisable. This is why you should not use his hobbies and interests as a gateway to find out more about his goals and his overall outlook in life. The healthy way to use his hobbies and interests is to talk about how he became interested in them and what keeps him hooked. This ensures that he doesn’t feel any type of pressure when it comes to talking about his hobbies and interests with you.
Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend – Sports
According to the data that was accumulated by Scarborough Sports Marketing in 2010, the Major League Baseball and the National Football League had the highest number of female sports fans in comparison to other types of sports and that 30% of sports fans are actually women.
This is a far cry from the common misconception that women are more inclined to watch soap operas than sports in general. However, this doesn’t mean that all women are into sports and that all of them are comfortable when it comes to talking about sports with their man. Here are some tips on how to find conversation starters with your boyfriend if he is a sports fan and you’re not.
Talk about the latest controversies
Thankfully, the world of sports is just as colorful as the world of TV shows. It’s fairly easy to find sports-related controversies that you might even be interested in even if you’re not a sports fan. You just have to make sure that you don’t use sensitive controversies as conversation starters. For example, the Donald Sterling racism debacle might not be a good topic to talk about. The Lance Armstrong doping admission, on the other hand, can be a very healthy conversation starter since it doesn’t touch on hard-hitting issues.
Check the scoreboards
You don’t need to watch every baseball or football season in order to find conversation starters. You only need to be aware of the scorecard. Who has been on a losing streak lately? Who is the latest NBA champion? These are the things that you can talk about with your boyfriend even if you don’t know a single thing about the actual sport.
Do your research on famous players
Most sports fans treat famous players as their heroes. Fans know about the products that they endorse, the most recent awards that they have won, and the skills that they posses. This is what makes famous players excellent conversation starters. The best part is that you don’t need to know a lot about these famous players in order to get the conversation going.
You only need to know their name and their team, if there’s any, and you’re good to go. Doing research on these people is also very easy since many of them have social media accounts that you can study.
Your own boyfriend’s skills
Most of the time, fans also play the sports that they are into whenever they have the time.
This is why talking about his sports skills can be excellent conversation starters.
This will also allow you to discover his dreams about being a professional player or the things that he wants to improve on in order to play better.
Finding Conversation Starters With Your Boyfriend Without Narcissism
When it comes to dating, regardless of your partner’s or your personal beliefs and preferences, it’s always a good idea to put your best foot forward. This is why it’s important to find conversation starters that won’t make it seem that you’re a narcissist, especially if you’re at the early stages of your relationship or if you’re still getting to know each other.
In a study that was conducted by sociologist Charles Derber regarding conversations, many of the participants were not even aware of their conversational narcissistic behavior. This is why it should be a goal for every woman to find appropriate ways to start a conversation. Here are some tips on how to find conversation starters that won’t make you look like a narcissist.
Keep your goal in mind
According to Derber, the flow of the conversation depends on your goal and how much you want the attention. This means that if you start looking for a conversation without keeping your goal in mind, you’ll most likely come up with topics that will steer the attention toward you. This is why the first thing that you should do when it comes to finding conversation starters is to keep in mind that your goal is to find out more about the other person and not to grab his attention.
Make the right initiative
When it comes to finding conversation starters with your boyfriend, make the right initiative to focus your attention on attention-giving more than attention-getting. This means that you need to steer away from topics that highlight your abilities, whether in work, sports, or other areas. This also means that you need to find topics that will highlight the abilities or strengths of your boyfriend. Remembering this trick ensures that you boost your partner’s ego in a good way.
Be aware of passive conversational narcissism
There are times wherein you’ll need to find conversation starters with your boyfriend multiple times during the entire course of your date or trip. When this happens, you should remember to avoid passive conversational narcissism.
This happens when you simply wait for your partner’s story to be over and then proceed to tell your own stories that highlight you instead of doing a follow-up on your partner’s stories. This also happens when you give short and simple one-word replies to your partner’s stories and when you don’t ask questions about them. Once you engage in passive conversational narcissism, it can be difficult to find a follow-up conversation starter that won’t make you look like a narcissist.
Be an excellent listener
By becoming an excellent listener, you’ll be able to start a conversation based on the hobbies and interests of your partner. This will make the conversation more appealing to your partner, which is always good for your relationship in general. Being an excellent listener is also one of the best ways to get rid of any conversational narcissistic behaviors that you may actively or passively engage in throughout the entire conversation or date.
Conversation Starters with Your Boyfriend – Gaming
In the gaming statistics that were released by the Entertainment Software Association for 2014, it was revealed that 59% of Americans play PC or console games and that the average age of gamers is 31. This means that the majority of men that you’ll meet is playing or has played a computer or console game at some point in his life.
These findings also imply that the most male gamers are at the dating age in which they are financially and emotionally ready for a relationship. This is why it’s common for women to find male gamers and end up dating them for quite some time.
Considering that the demographic of older gamers, especially PC gamers, is mostly composed of men who spend less time in clubs and are actually earning quite a decent amount of money from a stable profession, many women tend to find the first few months of the relationship to be very nice.
There are no arguments regarding spending too much time in clubs and money isn’t an issue. As time passes by though, the hobby gap will eventually rear its ugly head, especially if the girlfriend has not touched a single console or has never played a PC game in her life. However, there are a lot of ways that can help girls manage the situation and, ultimately, save the relationship. One of these ways is to find conversation starters if he is a gamer. Here are some tricks on how to find them.
Do your research on popular gamers
Gone are the days when competitive gaming is limited to LAN parties in which friends play against each other. Nowadays, there are gaming “rock stars” that other gamers idolize since they enter professional gaming competitions and are renowned for their gaming skills.
You can do your research on these people since they make excellent conversation starters. By focusing on these people, you can start a conversation with your boyfriend even if you don’t know a single thing about the mechanics of the game that he is currently playing.
Watch a walk through video
Thanks to the power of YouTube, Twitch, and other websites that allow people to watch other gamers play, it has become a lot easier to learn about a game without actually playing it. With these videos, you can get the gist of the computer or console games that your boyfriend is into. You can then use these ideas to find conversation starters. You can ask him to clarify a few things for you or ask him about his opinion on these walkthrough videos.
Ask him about a game that might be suitable for you
If your boyfriend also plays other games in his spare time, there’s a high chance that he might know a game that you might actually enjoy. You don’t need to actually try these games in order to find conversation starters. You only need to make him talk about these games and explain why these games might suit you.
Find out more about the competitions
If you don’t have it in you to watch a walkthrough video or even start playing the games that he is playing, you can focus on the competitive aspects of gaming competitions. These competitions are no different from other types of sports since they also have a large pool prize and audience. DOTA, for example, is a computer game that is known to offer millions of dollars as prize money to talented players who manage to take home the championship. These topics are excellent conversation starters, especially if you’re into other types of sports.Before you go, we'd love to hear from you in the comments below. I'm working hard to build a community here and a big part of that are your contributions! If you have experiences to share, questions, comments, suggestions, or anything else, please leave us a quick comment. I promise to reply!