Break-ups are life-changers, and some don’t end the way you want them to.
Unfortunately, it’s not really easy to get back on your feet, and others really take time to get over it. Nobody can blame them, particularly the ones who’ve spent lifetimes with their partners.
Initial Steps To Get Over a Bad Breakup
Adjustment is required, and for things to go back to square one, there are some tips that the grieving lover can take to get over a bad breakup more easily.
Instigators of break-ups often find themselves in a position of guilt. This is truer when the partner who was left behind was blind-sided or wasn’t deserving of the parting. In such cases, it’s so easy for them to feel how terrible they are, which might take a long time to get over a bad breakup.
In any relationship, it takes two to tango, and it just so happened that the music stopped with this one. Don’t be overly guilty about it. Endings are sometimes better than prolonging the pain or the suffering that you feel inside. Think of the situation as inevitable and that by ending the relationship, your partner is given a longer time to get over a bad breakup too.
It’s pretty common for broken couples to reconcile and have another go at it. A bond has already been formed. Let’s admit it; it’s really hard to find a person to have a relationship with, and the tendency is to stick around for the convenience of it. That’s fine and good, but once you say goodbye, make sure that it’s the final one. Repeatedly taking back your partner speaks volumes about your credibility as a partner and as a person. What you need to do is to be firm with your decision and to move forward with your life.
Prepare to Hate
Letting go is never complete without the hating of the other person or of one’s self. The impact is such that you lose a stable part of your life, and everything associated with it just makes you hate some more. Of course, the hate would depend on the reason for breaking up or on who did the breaking up first and whatever the situation is. Hate as much as you want. You have to release and express this universal feeling, but don’t linger on it.
Prolonged hatred can lead to mental disorders and would be cause you to not get over a bad relationship quickly. It sounds extreme, but it does begin there. And also, hate is a huge waste of time. Instead of indulging on hate, find positive and creative activities to keep you busy and distracted from this feeling. Improving your physical appearance is always a good start for this.
This is the hardest part of how to get over a bad breakup but is the most necessary. There should be no contact with your ex in any form, not even on cyberspace. It sounds a bit too drastic, but as long as you’ve contact with your ex-partner, it’ll be really difficult to get over a bad relationship and move on.
These are hard times indeed, but if there’s any consolation for you, it’s the fact that there’s no way but up. It just depends on how fast you’d like that to happen.
3 Best of Ways of Dealing With Breakups With Your Friends
Nobody can help in dealing with breakups like your friends.
Nobody knows you as well as they do, so it’s likely they know how best to cheer you up. They’ll take care of you for as long as it takes.
And most importantly, they won’t judge you. But you ought to know that you’re friends aren’t perfect.
To help you get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé, one of the first things your friends might do is take you out to drink, party, and start dating once again. Since all of you’re adults, there’s nothing inherently wrong in doing so. But know that there are better ways to get over your ex.
Just like how your problems re-materialize in your mind on the morning after a night of partying, you’ll remember your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé once you regain your bearings. What’s worse is you’ll also feel even more awful.
You may need the help of your friends. To help you truly do so, here are 3 of the best ways of dealing with breakups with your friends.
1. Discuss What Happened
One of the best ways to understand why or how the relationship failed is by discussing it with your friends. By hearing the opinions of some of the closest people to you, you get different perspectives that together could enable you to fully understand why or how the relationship failed without your biases clouding your judgment.But your friends’ judgment might also be clouded since it’s likely they’re mad at your ex, so be careful with the views you accept. Some might only make you sadder or angrier at your boyfriend, which does nothing for you except make you feel even more awful.
2. Learn From What Happened
Understanding why or how the relationship failed would be useless if you don’t find out the things you could do to ensure your next romantic relationship works.Your friends could help you, but make sure that their suggestions are really effective and not only beneficial to you. Remember: all romantic relationships consist of two people; hence, it would never work if only one person is benefiting from it.
3. Don’t Cope Inappropriately
While drinking, partying, and dating once again could cheer you up, doing so isn’t a guarantee that you’ll get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé. Doing so would only help you forget about him briefly. Once your hangover is cured, the pain will still be there.
Instead of getting wasted, you may go on a vacation, have a makeover, or go on a shopping spree with your friends. Not only could these activities surely cheer you up, but they could also distract you from your negative feelings about your ex, expediting the healing process.
Your friends may be among the people who could best help you get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé, but it’s likely not all of the ways in which they will help will be effective.They might even unwittingly make you do something harmful. Given the 3 best ways of dealing with breakups with them, we hope to help you truly bounce back.
3 Most Effective Ways to Deal with Breakups with Your Family
When dealing with breakups, it’s likely you’d run to your family. They’ve always been there for you, so you trust in them deeply and believe they are the only ones who can help you get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé.
All of this may be true, but it doesn’t guarantee that your family could help you deal with breakups successfully.
Your family loves you more than your ex, if they ever loved him at all, so it’s likely their judgment may be colored with their biases against him when trying to help you get over him.Thus, they might demonize him and convince themselves and you that he is the only one to blame for the failure of the relationship. Remember: all romantic relationships consist of two people; thus, it would be impossible for you to not have said or done anything that may have contributed to the failure of the relationship.
You, however, need the love and support of your family in such a time of need. So, to help you truly get over your ex with the help of your family, here are 3 of the most effective ways to deal with breakups with them.
1. Don’t Personalize What Happened
It’s likely you and your family are mad at your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé for more reasons than the fact that he left you.He believes all of you aren’t worth his time or effort, all of you believe he must have a new girlfriend without any proof, and he’s selfish and just doesn’t care are but a few. It’s only human to assume such things regarding a person who has hurt you. But it’s wrong.
When you and your ex had the relationship, everybody else in both of your lives got involved. This is normal because all of them care for you and became happy when you fell in love. But after the relationship failed, it would be wrong to make the situation worse by blowing it out of proportion.
So many different things affect relationships, and several have no relation to you or your other loved ones. Your ex remained an individual when he met you, so you and your family must accept that there may have been other things in his life that caused the relationship to fail. Once you do so, you’ll surely get over him.
2. Don’t Fight With Your Ex-boyfriend or Ex-fiancé’s Family
Since all of you’re mad at your ex, it’s likely you’re also mad at his family. It’s possible you believe they should have stopped him from leaving you. Believing so is wrong.
Although your ex’s family was there for him during the course of the relationship as much as your family was there for you, it would be unrealistic to assume that they had control over his actions. If anything, his family only basked in his happiness about having you in his life. Thus, the decision to leave you was his alone.
Besides, fighting with his family would only draw even more negativity not only into your life but also the lives of your family.
3. Let Go
Despite how much pain your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé caused you, you and your family must let it go. Not only would holding onto it by being angry at him make all of you unwell, but doing so would also render you not able to forget about him, slowing down the healing process or even rendering it impossible to occur.
Your family’s love may be the best medicine for the pain of losing your boyfriend or fiancé. But if it doesn’t help you get over him and only makes you even more angry and sad, then you ought to consider other ways of doing so with your family’s help. We hope the 3 most effective ways on how to deal with breakups with them could enable you to do so.
3 Effective Ways to Deal with Breakups Starting Within You
For women, there’s no pain quite like that caused by a breakup. Losing boyfriends or fiancés after having been there for them, taken care of them, supported them, and loved them makes women feel like their hearts are literally being torn apart, as if they’ve lost an important part of themselves.
Despite how painful breakups sound, there are several ways that newly single women can deal with breakups successfully. Some help them deal with breakups starting within themselves. Their lives will begin returning to normal only after they’ve healed themselves. They won’t be able to regain normalcy in their lives if their hearts are still broken.
To help you begin the healing process, here are 3 ways to deal with breakups starting within you.
1. Don’t Suppress Your Feelings
After the breakup, it’s likely you’ll feel several negative emotions. Sadness, anger, regret, confusion, and fear are but a few. Although you’ll feel awful overall, know that it’s normal for you to feel so.
It’s likely you had invested a lot in the relationship, so you won’t be able to help yourself not feel so bad over it ending. There’s no way you’ll be able to get back what you’ve invested already. The pain of losing so much could be overwhelming, but you must face it and find an outlet for it. Otherwise, it’ll fester within you and render you not able to trust men anymore.
2. Don’t Blame Yourself
Many (if not most) women assume they caused the relationship to fail. Being clingy, irritating, domineering, or boring are some of the mistakes they believe they’ve committed that drove away their boyfriends or fiancés. Their assumptions couldn’t be farther from the truth.
All romantic relationships consist of two persons; thus, there’s no logical reason for women to place the blame solely on themselves. What if their ex-boyfriends or ex-fiancés didn’t do anything to fix their relationships? What if they weren’t really good to their girlfriends or fiancées? Worse, what if they had affairs?
Remember: it isn’t up to only you to make the relationship work—it takes you and your man. Otherwise, it’ll never work.
3. Don’t Ever Plan on Taking Revenge
He hurt you, so it would be normal if you want to get back at him. But you must never do so. Taking revenge on him would just make things worse.
To begin with, you’ll feel worse. To be specific, you’ll feel more anger, resentment, and sadness. Next, you’ll victimize the guy. If you’d go as far as to hurt him physically, not only would you be effectively proving that he was right to leave you, but you’d also be proving the same to both of your friends, families, and acquaintances.
Lastly—and worst of all—you might end up behind bars. There have been several cases of jilted women who were sent to jail for destroying their ex-boyfriend’s or ex-fiancé’s property. You wouldn’t want to end up in jail, would you?
Suffering over losing your boyfriend or fiancé is unavoidable, but it’s also normal. You, however, shouldn’t remain wallowing in your sorrow forever. After facing the pain, you must bounce back and find new love some day. Given the effective ways to deal with breakups starting within you, we hope we can help you do so.
The 3 Worst Ways to Deal with Breakups
After breakups, it’s likely you’d feel lost, alone, helpless, sad, and mad. While all of these negative emotions may be overwhelming, know that not only is feeling this way normal, but it’ll pass, especially if you’d help yourself, ask for help from your other many loved ones, and follow the several ways to get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé.
But you should also know that not all of these ways to deal with breakups could enable you to do so.
One such way is partying. You’ll be happy if you do this, but there wouldn’t be any assurances that doing so will help you forget about your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé. Just like how your problems always re-materialize in your mind on the morning after a night of partying, you’ll remember your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé once your hangover is cured. Worse, you’ll feel even more awful.
You, however, must get over your boyfriend in order to love again. To help avoid doing things that would be of no help to you, here are 3 of the worst ways to deal with breakups.
Demonizing Your Ex-boyfriend or Ex-fiancé
Since your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé hurt you, it’s likely you’d think the worst of him. Doing so is normal, but it’s wrong.
It’s impossible that he’s the only one at fault for the failure of the relationship. The relationship consisted of the two of you and wouldn’t have been formed if it weren’t for the two of you, so you must have shortcomings that together with his may have caused the relationship to fail.
But this doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up over the failure of the relationship as much as you might beat up your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé figuratively. Acknowledging your own faults enables you to correct them, improving the chances that your next relationship will be better.
But if you still demonize your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé, know that doing so will do nothing for you except make you sadder and angrier at him, possibly slowing down the healing process or even rendering it impossible to occur.
Resuming Dating Right Away
It’s likely you’d want to resume dating right after your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé left you. As an adult, there’s nothing inherently wrong in wanting to do so. But know that there are pitfalls.
To begin with, while you may be convinced that your heart has been mended, you might still be unprepared to resume dating right away. What if you just want to believe that your heart has been mended even though it’s still broken? The remaining pain therein would cause you to be wary of men, rendering yourself not able to trust and truly love any of them, possibly causing you to end up in another failed relationship.
You don’t have to resume dating right away. You ought to enjoy being single once again for a while. Not forcing the healing process to occur quickly ensures that your heart will truly be mended.
Taking Revenge on Your Boyfriend
Your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé hurt you, so to want to get back at him would be normal. But no matter how bad he’s hurt you, taking revenge on him would be wrong.
Just like how demonizing your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé would only affect you negatively, taking revenge on him would do nothing for you except make yourself sadder and angrier at him, possibly slowing down the healing process or even rendering it impossible to occur.
But if you still proceed to take revenge on your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé, know that there will be repercussions. Not only would you prove to him and everybody both of you know that he was right for leaving you, but you might also end up in jail.
Many enraged ex-girlfriends and ex-fiancées have been sent to prison for trespassing, vandalizing, and/or destroying their ex-boyfriend’s or ex-fiancé’s property. You wouldn’t wish the same to happen to you, would you?
There are various ways to deal with breakups and get over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé, but not all of them are effective. Some may even be harmful. Feeling alone, helpless, lost, mad, and sad might cause you to unwittingly follow those harmful ways. Given the 3 worst ways to deal with breakups, we hope to help you avoid those harmful ways and bounce back.
3 Ways to Easily Deal with Breakups by Yourself
So your man has left you. It’s likely you just want to crawl into bed, sleep for a couple of days, and wake up and then watch dramas while eating ice cream and bawling your eyes out like there’s no tomorrow for hours on end.
Doing so is okay, but for how long will you let yourself be sad? The pain may be awful, as if your heart was being turned again and again by a wrench, but you’ve to deal with breakups soon. To deal with breakups is necessary. Newly single women must do so in order to get their lives back to normal. They’ll never be able to do so if they don’t mend their broken hearts. Otherwise, they’ll never be truly happy again, which might render them not able to see the good in other men, causing them to remain single forever.
Fortunately, there are several ways to deal with breakups successfully. Some enable you to do so by yourself, causing you to begin healing yourself easily and as soon as possible. Here are 3 such ways:
1. Resume Your Own Routine
Before having the relationship, it’s likely you had your own routine. You watched a movie with friends every week, you had brunch at a certain restaurant every weekend, you always jogged at a certain time of the day, etc. It’s likely your whole routine changed during the course of the relationship. By the time it ended, it’s possible you seldom see your friends, you rarely go to that restaurant, and you stopped jogging. It’s likely you did so for the sake of compromise.
Compromise is necessary in making a relationship work. But now that you’re single once again, resuming your own routine could be much help to you in dealing with the breakup. Not only would doing so uplift you significantly, as you’d be doing all of the things you like to do, but doing so would also give you a sense of regaining control of your life, which could enable you to heal yourself even better.
2. Enjoy Yourself
During the course of the relationship, you must have done several things for your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé that you didn’t want to do but you did anyway just to please him. You watched his favorite team play on TV with him, went on a date with him at that restaurant he chose, which wasn’t a romantic place at all, and ate the food he prepared for you when he tried to cook for the first time.
All of these acts were necessary to make the relationship work. But now that you’re single, it’s the best time to start indulging yourself once again. Take a vacation, go to a spa every week, shop to your heart’s content, etc. Not only could enjoying yourself like you used to make you happy, but doing so could also distract you from your negative feelings about the breakup, expediting the healing process.
3. Don’t Date Again So Soon
Although it might have been only a few weeks since your man left you, it’s possible you’re thinking of dating again already. There’s nothing inherently wrong with thinking so. As a newly single woman, you’ve every right to date once again. But it would be in your best interest to wait a little longer.
You may believe that you’re ready to date again, but it’s possible that your heart’s not yet healed. What if there are still occasions in which you suddenly think of your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé and can’t stop?
Also read: The Mechanics of a Rebound Relationship
What if you believe having another relationship is the last thing you need to do in order to gain closure? Worse, what if you haven’t gotten over your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé and you want to find a guy who can help you ASAP?
Also read: Telltale Signs of a Rebound Relationship
Remember: the only person who can truly mend your broken heart is yourself. The people in your life can help you, but the ball is in your court. If you don’t help yourself, no one can help you. Given the 3 ways to deal with breakups by yourself easily, we hope we can help you do so.
Top 3 Habits to Avoid After a Breakup
Going through the stages of grief after a breakup is surely a life-changing experience for most women. It’s one of those moments where we are faced with new roads to take and new decisions to make, yet we are still at a standstill and can’t seem to focus much on anything except the pain that we are feeling.
The stages of grief after a breakup can affect us in a lot of different ways. It can either become a liberating experience where we get to learn lots of lessons, or it can be a devastating experience that can give us some damaging effects and different personality issues later on. The latter will actually be the end result if we don’t do anything to help ourselves cope with the stages of grief after a breakup. It can also be the effect if we come to develop negative habits and attitudes that can be destructive to us in the long run.
That’s why, despite the grieving and mourning after a breakup, it’s still important to love and take care of ourselves by avoiding the different habits that won’t do us any good as we are dealing with breakups. Here are some habits that women should avoid during the stages of grief after a breakup:
1. Always Getting Drunk
It’s true that a lot of people depend on alcohol to numb the burning pain and to have a “good time” even for just a momentary period, but relying on alcohol to escape the pain of a breakup cannot help you deal with the breakup for real. You may not feel the pain and you may be having a good time tonight, but when you wake up in the morning, the pain will still be there, made worse by your hangover.
Always getting drunk, especially when you’re going through the stages of grief after a breakup, will also cause you to lessen your inhibitions and make you feel gutsy, making you develop some risky behaviors and dangerous tendencies. What’s more, it may cause you to drunk dial your ex and make other stupid actions, which will just add to your list of regrets later on.
Alcoholism is really not good because it’ll just cloud your judgement and reasonableness in this very crucial moment of going through the stages of grief.
2. Begging your ex to come back
It’s normal that you still want your ex back after the breakup, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve to lower yourself in his eyes by always begging him to come back. If you do this, you won’t be able to move on to the last stage of grief, and you’ll just prolong your grief and agony as well as impede your healing process and extend the time that you need to get over the breakup. Have some little pride reserved for yourself; don’t let your ex hurt you any more by always begging him to come back and always being rejected in return.
3. Always blaming yourself
Another habit that you should break during the stages of grief after a breakup is self-blaming. Always blaming yourself about the breakup won’t improve your situation. Don’t be a martyr. If you do this, you’ll just make yourself less and less confident each day. Aside from lowering your self esteem, it’ll also make you gain self-doubt and more self-discouragement.
Instead, believe in yourself. For now, you may feel that the breakup is a wrong move or decision, but after a while, when you finally get over the stages of grief, you’ll soon realize that it’s actually good for you and also a liberating thing to do.
There are still many bad habits that a woman can develop while in the stages of grief, but these three are the most common among them. Every woman, in one way or another, at some point during the stages of grief, develops these habits and has difficulty breaking them. In order to not have any difficulty with breaking these habits, it’s important that at the outset of the breakup, we steer our course clear from every chance that these habits present themselves to ruin our lives. Prevention is still better than cure, ladies.Before you go, we'd love to hear from you in the comments below. I'm working hard to build a community here and a big part of that are your contributions! If you have experiences to share, questions, comments, suggestions, or anything else, please leave us a quick comment. I promise to reply!