You’re Not Alone: Overcoming Sexual Performance Anxiety

Many partners who are unable to reach a climax during sex have no obvious underlying physical issues. Instead, the main root of the problem may be simply worrying about not being able to perform. Basically, they’re thinking too much during sex. Here are a few ways to help you overcome sexual performance anxiety.

Understanding Sexual Performance Anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety is a mental state of mind where a person may feel apprehensive or nervous about everything that may go wrong when getting intimate. The condition affects both men and women, bringing a paralyzing fear that you will be unable to achieve anything sexually or you do not enjoy the sex. It can have severe consequences on your relationship if you suffer from anxiety without getting checked out.

The Causes

There are various reasons that can bring on sexual performance anxiety. Certain things can affect performance in both men and women while some reasons are predominately linked to the male gender. High levels of stress are the primary cause of sexual performance anxiety in both genders.

The origins of the stress can originate from anywhere, such as family-related problems or financial issues. Other causes include low self-esteem, body image problems, and fears that one will be unable to perform well during sexual intercourse.


Some of the most common symptoms of sexual performance anxiety include erectile dysfunction in men, premature ejaculation in men, the inability to orgasm in both genders, and the inability to get lubricated in women. If you feel you have any of the symptoms listed, it’s important that you act as soon as possible.

Anxiety can take over your mind and make you feel that you’re not good enough when it comes to being intimate in the bedroom, however, recognizing the symptoms is a good start and can give you the necessary tools to tackle the problem.

Useful Tips

Questions-to-ask-your-boyfriendThere are several useful tips that you can take on board to deal with sexual performance anxiety. Psychological therapy is a great treatment for those who suffer from anxiety. The therapy enables individuals to open up about any problems that they are having, which can then be addressed to lighten your stress load. Being open and honest with your partner is incredibly important for tackling sexual performance anxiety.

If you have any concerns and need to get something off your chest, it’s best to talk it through so you know where you stand with your partner. Not only can therapy and medication work, but you could also try using a toy to help spice up your sex life and give you more confidence in the bedroom. Toys take the pressure off the man if premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction is an issue.

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Regular exercise and a well-balanced diet can also benefit you greatly and help you have a clearer mind, which can leave you feeling more relaxed and happier when it comes to getting intimate with your loved one.

Consulting a Doctor

If you have tried therapy, medication or other useful tips listed and are still having problems with sexual performance anxiety, it’s best to consult a doctor. For example, if you find that your erectile dysfunction is getting worse, being able to speak to a professional can be hugely beneficial.

Your doctor will be able to help identify the underlying issues and prescribe you with medication. While you may feel nervous about making an appointment with a doctor, understand that you are taking the right steps in helping to resolve your sexual performance anxiety.

To overcome sexual performance anxiety, it’s important that you stop worrying about what others may think of you. Focus on yourself first, which will allow you to be in control of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. Comparing yourself to how others perform in the bedroom will only leave you with negative thoughts.

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Ava Moore
BA, MA Psychology (and Conflict Resolution), University of Cambridge (2007). With a decade of trial and error in psychology and 33 years of navigating my own complex (that's one word for it!) relationships with family, friends, co-workers and men, I hope I have some useful knowledge and skills to share with my readers about making sense of relationships and trying to become a better person every day.

I'm the Chief Editor here at Independent Femme and would love to hear from you.

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