It just means that you’ve to take extra steps before getting back out there in order to make sure that your emotional baggage is dealt with properly and that it doesn’t affect your new relationships.
Is it easy? Often it’s not.
Will these methods cure you of latent emotional problems resulting from the ending of a long-term relationship? Unfortunately, most likely not.
However, done properly, you can come away largely unscathed and find yourself dating and in a healthy relationship once again. Let’s start at the beginning.
Dating After a Long Term Relationship: Dealing with Emotional Baggage
Here are some of the ways to deal with emotional baggage before dating again.
Come clean to your new partner
When it comes to dating after a long term relationship, expectations should be set on both sides. Aside from setting your expectations, you should also set the expectations of your new partner by coming clean about the issues of your past relationship.
Explain to your new partner that from time to time, you may have issues that are completely unrelated to him because of your former partner. If your new partner is worth keeping, he or she will be able to understand and adapt to your situation and, more so, help you overcome this emotional baggage.
Accept the flaws of your ex-partner
Even though this step should have been taken during your past relationship, it is never too late to accept the flaws of your former partner. As a matter of fact, some relationship experts say that doing this step before dating after a long term relationship will be beneficial for you and your new partner since it’ll ensure that the expectations that you’ll have toward your new partner won’t be unrealistically high.
Doing so will also make it easier for you to let go of the emotional baggage that you have, which is caused by your former partner’s flaws.
Take responsibility for the breakup
In almost every relationship or a breakup, both parties always play the victim by not admitting that they did something wrong or that they are partially responsible for what happened.
By having this type of mentality, it’ll be harder for you to let go of the emotional baggage that is caused by your partner since you’ll fail to see that you took part in the reason or the cause of your issues. This will also make it harder for you to move on and start dating again since you won’t figure out what went wrong and you won’t have any closure.
Find closure the right way
Most people think that in order for your past relationship to have closure, you need to talk to your ex-partner and lay everything out on the table. However, what if your ex-partner doesn’t want to have any form of communication with you? When this happens, always remember that closure doesn’t always need to come from your ex. You may achieve closure all on your own by giving yourself time to heal and acknowledging the presence of your emotional baggage.
Letting go of your emotional baggage is important in order for you to fully commit yourself into your future relationships. Before dating again, find time for some soul-searching or alone time to evaluate yourself. Through these steps, you’ll be able to start dating again even if you’ve emotional baggage from your past relationship.
Dating After a Long Term Relationship: How to Physically Prepare
Getting out of a long term relationship can be arduous, especially for women who find themselves adjusting in many aspects of their lives because of the relationship that just ended.
When this happens, they tend to forget about the physical preparations that should be done before dating again. This is why it is important to become aware of the list of things that you should do when preparing for the task.
Find the best workout for you
Most often than not, people who are in a long term relationship become less active and often find themselves working out less than they did before. This means that after a long relationship, your body isn’t in a good shape to perform rigorous exercise routines.
This is why it is best to find the most suitable workout for you when it comes to physically preparing before you join the dating game once again. Make sure that your newfound routine isn’t too much for your body to handle and that it can really help you achieve the physique that you want.
Give yourself some time
Even though it is possible to lose a considerable amount of weight within a month’s time, it is best to not give yourself such a very short period. This ensures that you don’t end up giving yourself an unnecessary amount of pressure, as well as ensure that you won’t push yourself to try risky weight loss products and diet schemes.
Always remember that getting out of a relationship can make you more prone to making unsound decisions about your weight and how you look. Taking your time to lose weight will also ensure that you can mentally prepare for the task of going out with someone new.
Invest in skin care
It’s a well-known fact that it is better to establish a good skin care routine than to rely on chemical peels that can damage the skin in the long run and cause certain medical or health problems. This is why your focus should be on finding the most suitable skin care routine for your skin type instead of finding the salons or spas that have the best reviews in your area.
Once you’ve developed a good skin care routine, then it would be the perfect time to go to a spa for some much needed rest and relaxation.
Start doing a cleanse
Aside from making sure that you’re physically fit and that you’ve perfect skin, you also need to take care of your health before dating after a long term relationship. One of the best ways to improve your health is to do a cleanse – may it be a colon or a juice cleanse.
According to health experts, one of the advantages of doing a cleanse is that it purifies the body, making it easier for your body to absorb nutrients. It can also help your skin look healthy and glowing. Doing a cleanse can also improve your focus, which can be a great help if you still find yourself reeling from a breakup.
Remember that the first impression that you’ve on your date is essential. Give a nice impression to your date by making yourself look presentable and wonderful. By keeping these tips in mind, you’ll be able to amply prepare for the task of dating again. Follow these tips, and surely, you’ll be back in the dating scene in no time.
Dating After a Long Term Relationship: Effects of Emotional Baggage
Despite knowing that they have emotional baggage caused by their past relationship, there are some people who prefer to not face their issues because they don’t want to experience the heartache that comes with doing so.
They think that dating after a long term relationship with such issues won’t affect their future ones as long as they pretend that everything is fine. What they don’t realize is that emotional baggage is a disease that can affect you at any given time, even during your date.
This is why it is important to know what emotional baggage can do to you before dating after a long term relationship. Here are some of the effects of having emotional baggage from your previous relationship:
It makes you paranoid
If your emotional baggage is caused by the cheating habits of your ex-partner, there’s a high chance that you’ll develop trust issues and paranoia.
When this happens, you’ll start to misread the small and ordinary gestures of your new partner as a sign that he or she is cheating on you, just like what your previous partner did. You may also end up pushing your partner to stop seeing his or her friends and family because of this.
It makes you look down on yourself
One of the effects of having a verbally abusive partner is that you may start seeing yourself in an entirely negative light. This is because verbal abusers break down their partner’s confidence by constantly criticizing every aspect of their personality and physical appearance in order to make their partners more submissive and reliant.
If your emotional baggage is caused by a verbally abusive partner, you won’t be able to take compliments and praises from your new partner appropriately. You’ll either start thinking that they are mere lies or that your partner is being insincere.
It makes you clingy and bossy
Once you identify the mistakes that you and your former partner have made, it is normal to feel the need to make sure that they don’t happen again in your future relationships. However, if you’ve emotional baggage, you may end up taking this feeling to the next level. You may begin to micromanage your new partner and criticize his every move to ensure that everything is perfect.
You may also begin to feel the need to be with them as much as you can in order to keep a close eye on everything that they do to make sure that they don’t make the same mistakes as your former partner.
As you can see, all of the effects of having emotional baggage are highly destructive to any relationship. This is why it is important to determine if you’ve unresolved issues before you start dating after a long term relationship. By doing so, you’ll be able to avoid its destructive effects long before you find a date and experience them first hand.
This also ensures that once you start dating again, you’ll be able to find a partner who you can have a good relationship with.
Dating After a Long Term Relationship: Causes of Emotional Baggage
Even though emotional baggage is hard to miss, there are times wherein the symptoms don’t present themselves in obvious ways.
There are also instances wherein the symptoms only become visible months after you’ve entered into a new relationship. This is why it is important to know if you were exposed to the causes of emotional baggage before you start dating after a long term relationship in order to determine if you’ve underlying issues.
Here are some of the causes of emotional baggage that you need to be aware of before you start dating again:
A Cheating Partner
Through numerous studies on the subject matter, experts were able to prove that infidelity can cause several mental and cognitive health issues to all parties involved. In one of these studies, experts determined that children from divorced parents (due to infidelity) perform poorly than other students.
This just goes to show that a cheating partner can cause you to suffer from emotional trauma and develop emotional baggage. In relationships, having a cheater as an ex-partner can also make you distrust your new partner even if he or she isn’t doing anything wrong or suspicious.
A Partner with Emotional Baggage
In a different study that was conducted by experts at the University of Notre Dame, it was revealed that students who share a room with another student who is always stressed or depressed are at a higher risk for developing depression and other mental health issues.
This just goes to show that being around a person who has emotional baggage of his or her own can make you develop your own emotional baggage. Try to determine if your ex-partner knowingly or unknowingly has emotional baggage before you start dating again.
A Partner with Vices
Regardless of its nature or degree, vices can be disruptive in any relationship and can cause both parties involved to develop emotional baggage. This scenario can create even more problems if you spent more than half of your time trying to fix your partner or getting your partner to quit his or her vices.
This will lead you to become more bossy, clingy, or demanding toward your new partner since you’ll see these traits as a way to make sure that your new partner won’t become addicted to these vices like your ex. For example, you’ll end up nagging your new partner about his drinking problem even if he is just an occasional drinker.
When this happens, you’ll just end up pushing new partners away. This is why taking a short break before you start dating after a long term relationship is a must for this scenario.
These are just some of the causes of emotional baggage that you need to be aware of before you start dating again. Having emotional baggage can affect your future relationships. But by knowing these causes, you’ll be able to determine the right time to start dating after a long term relationship and how to approach your emotional problems properly.
Just remember to take your time, date at your own pace, and most importantly, date only when you’re ready to love and commit again.
Dating After a Long Term Relationship: An Insight to Emotional Baggage
When it comes to dating after a long-term relationship, understanding how emotional baggage works is a must, especially if you feel like moving on is an impossible task. This is because your inability to find someone new may be caused by the fact that you’ve unidentified emotional baggage.
When this happens, you’ll never be able to find someone new, even if you go out on a date with a person who happens to be your perfect match. This is why the basics of emotional baggage should always be remembered. Here are some of the things you need to know.
What is Emotional Baggage?
In the world of mental health, emotional baggage is the term used to describe a traumatic event that has no resolution. According to many healthcare experts, emotional baggage can make it impossible for some to make use of the right coping mechanisms, which is why the trauma stays with them for the longest time. This can lead to numerous mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety.
For those who are or were in a relationship, on the other hand, emotional baggage refers to the unresolved issues that a person might have towards his or her partner. By avoiding or ignoring this baggage, dating after a long-term relationship can fail since emotional baggage can inhibit you from seeing anything good about your date and can make it seem like you cannot find the perfect guy.
How is Emotional Baggage Triggered?
There are times wherein your emotional baggage only rears its ugly head when you already want to start dating after a long-term relationship. This is because emotional baggage can stay dormant during your relationship with your previous partner, especially if you were not assertive about what you want and the things that were bothering you during your relationship.
Once the relationship ends, your brain receives a go signal that it isn’t acceptable to feel these negative emotions and voice out your opinion towards them.
How Do You Start Dating?
If you’ve emotional baggage and you determine that it is what is prohibiting you from dating after a long-term relationship, give yourself enough time to know what exactly the issue is. Do you need to confront your former partner regarding the way that he treated you before? Do you want a clearer and more official breakup in order to move on?
Do you still have something to say to your partner? These are some of the questions that you need to answer in order to determine the cause of your emotional baggage. Once you determine the cause, you’ll be able to find a more effective solution, which can resolve the emotional baggage. This will make it easier for you to start dating.
By knowing these basics, you’ll be able to determine if you still need to give yourself ample time to recover from your previous relationship and start dating.
Dating After a Long Term Relationship: Preparing for Physical Intimacy
Many relationship experts agree that physical intimacy isn’t one of the main focal points in a long term relationship, even though it plays a major role in maintaining the relationship.
This is because in these types of relationships, your partner has already seen you at your best and worst, which lessens the pressure of looking your utmost best in every single occasion that you see each other.
Once this relationship ends, this privilege or advantage is immediately lost and you’ll find yourself racing to look good for your date. However, preparing for physical intimacy with another person takes more than exercising and looking good on the outside. You also need to prepare yourself mentally. Here are some of the tips to prepare yourself mentally for physical intimacy when it comes to dating after a long term relationship.
Set Your Expectations
If your ex partner used to take you to fancy dinners or give you a massage before getting physically intimate, be aware that it isn’t fair to your new partner to expect the same thing or treatment.
Expecting the same treatment is a strong sign that you’re not looking for a new partner but a partner who looks and acts like your former partner, which is never a good goal when it comes to dating after a long term relationship since you should go for something new and unfamiliar.
Don’t Try to Find the Perfect Date
At the other end of the spectrum, dating after a long term relationship may cause you to end up looking for the perfect partner instead of looking for someone who looks and acts like your former flame. This is what usually happens when you’ve a lot of complaints about your ex partner or if you were unsatisfied with your previous relationship.
Always remember that the dates that you go on after the breakup are not meant to help you find the perfect guy. They are meant to give you a means to move on with your life.
Even though you may feel desperate to find someone new and start dating after a long term relationship, always remember that you should put your safety first. Consider using contraceptives, such as condoms and other items, for your safety.
Don’t give into the urge to just get physically intimate with someone that you hardly know without thinking about it just so that you can get over your partner quickly. Always remember that your safety should always come first when it comes to getting physically intimate with someone new.
Don’t Get Attached
This is one of the most common pitfalls for people who are getting back into dating after a long term relationship since they want to restore the normalcy that having a stable and committed partner brings. What they don’t realize is that having a one-time, physically intimate rendezvous with someone doesn’t always have to end up being a stable and committed relationship.
This is why getting attached should be avoided at all costs.Before you go, we'd love to hear from you in the comments below. I'm working hard to build a community here and a big part of that are your contributions! If you have experiences to share, questions, comments, suggestions, or anything else, please leave us a quick comment. I promise to reply!