Dating By Mae Davies / September 6, 2017 You might agree with me when I say: working out what your boyfriend knows about you is quite tough. But should it be? Let’s look at practical steps you can take to learn what your boyfriend knows and thinks about you with the help of a psychological trick I call SRI questions, or ‘Serious Relationship Indicator’ questions. You can find extensive lists of SRI questions in Google. However, they usually come in a shape of a cute game with hundreds of questions. Ask yourself if the questions are the end game, or do you really want to know something else? If so, why stop there? Using a simple method, let’s also learn where your relationship is headed and how to steer it in the direction you want it to go. Ready? Here we go… SRI Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Below are 5 groups of questions to help you identify what is really troubling you about your boyfriend. Read all 5 groups and carefully pick one that relates to your situation the most. The questions are very subtle. They don’t just ask – ‘Can I trust you?’ or ‘Are you committed to a long-term relationship with me?’ Instead… They subconsciously steer your boyfriend towards a more honest answer. In brackets I’ll talk you through the reasoning behind the SRIs and the results you are working towards. After the exercise I highly recommend you check out this video course, called Why Men Pull Away. Watch it, before jumping into any conclusions. I was initially skeptical, but came away with really helpful advice that taught me why my boyfriend seemed distant and helped me get the relationship I always wanted through good questions and conversation! Check out Why Men Pull Away. Questions To (Subtly) Learn If He Is Serious About You 1. Questions about issues in past relationships, relationship patterns or red flags What is your happiest memory? (Navigate him towards the subject of the past) If you could change anything about the past, what would it be? (Start to dig a bit dipper) Is there anything you wouldn’t want your family to know? (Any secrets?) Do you think people can or should be friends with their ex’s? (Time for the big guns) Have you ever done something you regretted? (You already brought him into a frame of mind to talk about his ex, so hopefully, he will stay on the subject, because this is why we started this quiz in the first place! If he doesn’t feel free to ask him at this point – Have you ever done something you regretted in your past relationships?) 2. Questions about commitment issues Do you think it’s more important to work or spend time with family? (Start softly with a generic question, but related to your potential future life together) How does your life look like when you’re 60? (Get him calm and dreamy for complete honesty, which you will need for the next question…) What childhood tradition would you want to keep up with your kids? (See how he reacts to this!) How important do you think sex is in a marriage? (and this!) What do you think of open relationships? (Now watch his face as carefully as you can, memorise every muscle movement! Female brain is wired to accurately recognise subtle muscle changes in other people’s faces. Use this power to assess his response. Your gut will be right!) 3. Questions about his character, trustworthiness Do you believe there is good in everyone? (Start with checking his general outlook on humanity. It says a lot about his inner world) What’s the biggest struggle that you’ve ever faced? (Gently take him to a slightly uncomfortable memory to help him open up, if he is capable, of course!) What’s something you could never compromise on? (Look at his values. Are they similar to yours?) In what areas do you want to change the most? (See how honest he is with himself first, and how prepared he is to become a better person and a better boyfriend!) Have you ever faced a betrayal? (See if he experienced poor relationships and quiz him on what actions he took in relation to a bad experience) Have you ever betrayed a person close to you? (And boom… This should tell you if you can trust him with your love. But try to make him talk – ask supporting questions.) Complete this short evaluation to get customized dating or relationship advice for your unique situation. 4. Questions about how he relates to you in your relationship What famous real or fictional couple reminds you the most of us? (Take him away from your situation, let him loosen up) What do you think are 5 things we have in common? (Let him start thinking and don’t let go until he finds all 5) What are the biggest differences between us? (Keep going…) When we first met, what did you think of me? (Now he should be ready) If we had children, what features would you want them to get from you and which from me? (Watch his reaction carefully, utilise that Female brain superpower to read facial cues!) 5. Questions about what he wants from your relationship Do you believe that opposites attract? (While you at it, also ask him a bit on your and his character traits and see where you match or collide) What role does love play in your life? (Go for some examples) Have you loved somebody romantically before? (This is very important, because if he never loved, it can take a long time before he recognizes your love as a gift) a) What made you think that was real love? b) Why haven’t you experienced love? (Let him talk for as long as possible here…) Complete this sentence: ‘I wish I had someone with whom I could…’ (Now he should give you a potential recipe for a great relationship with him, see if you like it!) Have you selected a category that fits your situation the most? Now remember, this is not a game. Do you agree? Any of the 5 categories can be troubling, but they all have the same thing in common – your relationship has something unclear or unresolved. Take a moment to think about the issue category you selected, before asking your boyfriend any of the questions. Before you start doubting your commitment, don’t forget to check out the video course, Why Men Pull Away, which will help you start working towards the relationship you want. To help you find your way to building an honest, supportive and loving relationship we have put together a small list of relationship principles you should try to follow. Rock-Hard Psychological Principles For A Happy Relationship That Lasts 1. If your relationship isn’t growing… It’s fading! How does something grow? Some action needs to happen to make something grow. In the world everything works like this, especially human relationships. Every relationship is different. Just like every person is. So you and your boyfriend might need different actions to empower growth. But see to it that the relationship growth makes both of you happy. Help him to feel he is also growing as an individual in his relationship with you. Find a goal. Find a direction for your relationship together. Sit down and work out what you two want to achieve together in a year. Without this direction and plan, relationships lose the reason for existing. This is when couples notice that something isn’t right and start identifying ‘problems’ that might not even be there. Do you know one of the most frequent reasons for divorce? Couples get married because they love each other, but forget to identify their life goals and a relationship plan. TIP: Take up new hobbies together. Try going to a public library or playing sports together. Choose unknown travel destinations. Help yourself and your boyfriend find new possibilities in life. Both in work and in pleasure! 2. Learn to disagree, not fight. Arguing is normal in all relationships. It helps us learn about each other and resolve our differences. But disagreeing about something and trying to find common ground isn’t the same as fighting to hurt one another. TIP: Sit down and agree with your boyfriend to not get caught up in a cycle of blaming each other, constantly pointing bad sides out in each other to get an upper hand, belittling each other, or fighting till one of you leaves the house! And very important: In any argument, always start with agreeing on some of his points, before going into things you disagree with. Here is a helpful animation that gives more good tips on how to argue adequately. 3. One quality that can save many relationships According to a relationship course I highly recommend on Udemy, The Ultimate Guide to Love, Dating & Relationships, humility is a highly attractive characteristic. Humility is recognizing and accepting our own limitations based on an accurate and modest estimate of our very own degree of importance and significance. The humble person understands that they are just one among the 7.6 billion somewhat connected people on earth. However, humility reduces our need for self-justification and allows us to openly admit to and learn from our honest mistakes. “Authentically humble people choose to act consistently with their own values rather than submit once again to an emotional impulse.” The Ultimate Guide to Love, Dating & Relationships TIP: In your relationship, try to practice humility. It will help you accept your own poor qualities and overlook some small discrepancies in his character. Show each other respect. We know we are not perfect, so don’t expect your boyfriend to be perfect (all the time)! 4. Show the same behavior and attitude you demand in your boyfriend Have you judged your boyfriend harshly after he opened up about his painful memories or mistakes? Has he? Double standards in relationships can be distractive. Don’t underestimate their powers. If you want to see more TLC from your boyfriend, tell him that, show him that. If you want him to stop smoking, show him that you can give something else up for him instead. In the video below, you will see how agreeing on standards can revolutionize your relationship for the better! TIP: By telling your boyfriend what you want from him and giving examples of where you tried to show the same attitude or behavior towards him, you can slowly reinforce the principle of ‘do what I do, not what I preach’ in a good way. This will kick the habit of double standards right in the butt! 5. Consider what kind of relationship you are in Aristotle claimed that there are three distinct types of relationships with only one of them ever providing depth, meaning and fulfillment. I truly hope the first two don’t apply to you! Relationships of selfish pleasure These relationships are mainly driven by just having a nice time when you are together. You might have passionate sex and playful banter, but unfortunately they go no deeper than that and your interactions stay on the surface. These types of relationships are mainly about immediate pleasures to the body and ego. They don’t nurture you with insight, encouragement and development, and will probably not bring you true happiness if you cannot establish a more connected bond with your boyfriend. Relationships of selfish utility Does your boyfriend seem to crave greater wealth, status, fame, power, glory, or beauty by merely being with you? Do you? If so, one of you might be looking to benefit from being with the other. This kind of relationship usually doesn’t help you nurture and enhance your life. Relationships of selflessness and shared virtue With such a profound name (although translated), these relationships take time. They are formed only when you are with a person who stimulates you, challenges you, inspires you and encourages you towards reaching your fullest potential. This is truly selfless! You can build such a relationship by encouraging your boyfriend to help you become the very best version of you, instead of focusing on your looks, confidence, talents or status. Remember: Only genuine man can be attracted to a genuine woman. As I mentioned, this kind of relationship takes longer to develop, but with patience, it can outlast the test of time. It will be a relationship of – what we call today – ‘soul mates’. The magic tool that will fix (almost) anything Learn three more harmless questions that will change how he sees you and how he feels about your relationship. Check out this video course that helped me build the loving relationship I am in today.