You might agree with me when I say: working out what your boyfriend knows about you is quite tough. But should it be?
Let’s look at practical steps you can take to learn what your boyfriend knows and thinks about you with the help of a psychological trick I call SRI questions, or ‘Serious Relationship Indicator’ questions.
You can find extensive lists of SRI questions in Google. However, they usually come in a shape of a cute game with hundreds of questions.
Ask yourself if the questions are the end game, or do you really want to know something else?
If so, why stop there?
Using a simple method, let’s also learn where your relationship is headed and how to steer it in the direction you want it to go.
Ready? Here we go…
Below are 5 groups of questions to help you identify what is really troubling you about your boyfriend.
Read all 5 groups and carefully pick one that relates to your situation the most.
The questions are very subtle. They don’t just ask – ‘Can I trust you?’ or ‘Are you committed to a long-term relationship with me?’
They subconsciously steer your boyfriend towards a more honest answer.
In brackets I’ll talk you through the reasoning behind the SRIs and the results you are working towards.
After the exercise I highly recommend you check out this video course, which shows you 3 easy steps to make a man love you forever!
Watch it, before jumping into any conclusions. I was initially skeptical, but came away with really helpful advice that taught me why my boyfriend seemed distant and helped me get the relationship I always wanted through good questions and conversation!
Have you selected a category that fits your situation the most?
Now remember, this is not a game.
Do you agree?
Any of the 5 categories can be troubling, but they all have the same thing in common – your relationship has something unclear or unresolved.
Take a moment to think about the issue category you selected, before asking your boyfriend any of the questions.
Before you start doubting your commitment, don’t forget to check out the video course from Capture His Heart, which will help you start working towards the relationship you want.
To help you find your way to building an honest, supportive and loving relationship we have put together a small list of relationship principles you should try to follow.
How does something grow?
Some action needs to happen to make something grow. In the world everything works like this, especially human relationships.
Every relationship is different. Just like every person is.
So you and your boyfriend might need different actions to empower growth. But see to it that the relationship growth makes both of you happy.
Help him to feel he is also growing as an individual in his relationship with you.
Find a goal. Find a direction for your relationship together. Sit down and work out what you two want to achieve together in a year.
Without this direction and plan, relationships lose the reason for existing.
This is when couples notice that something isn’t right and start identifying ‘problems’ that might not even be there.
Do you know one of the most frequent reasons for divorce?
Couples get married because they love each other, but forget to identify their life goals and a relationship plan.
TIP: Take up new hobbies together. Try going to a public library or playing sports together. Choose unknown travel destinations. Help yourself and your boyfriend find new possibilities in life. Both in work and in pleasure!
Arguing is normal in all relationships.
It helps us learn about each other and resolve our differences.
But disagreeing about something and trying to find common ground isn’t the same as fighting to hurt one another.
TIP: Sit down and agree with your boyfriend to not get caught up in a cycle of blaming each other, constantly pointing bad sides out in each other to get an upper hand, belittling each other, or fighting till one of you leaves the house!
And very important: In any argument, always start with agreeing on some of his points, before going into things you disagree with.
Here is a helpful animation that gives more good tips on how to argue adequately.
According to a relationship course I highly recommend on Udemy, The Ultimate Guide to Love, Dating & Relationships, humility is a highly attractive characteristic.
Humility is recognizing and accepting our own limitations based on an accurate and modest estimate of our very own degree of importance and significance.
The humble person understands that they are just one among the 7.6 billion somewhat connected people on earth.
However, humility reduces our need for self-justification and allows us to openly admit to and learn from our honest mistakes.
“Authentically humble people choose to act consistently with their own values rather than submit once again to an emotional impulse.” The Ultimate Guide to Love, Dating & Relationships
TIP: In your relationship, try to practice humility. It will help you accept your own poor qualities and overlook some small discrepancies in his character. Show each other respect. We know we are not perfect, so don’t expect your boyfriend to be perfect (all the time)!
Have you judged your boyfriend harshly after he opened up about his painful memories or mistakes? Has he?
Double standards in relationships can be distractive. Don’t underestimate their powers. If you want to see more TLC from your boyfriend, tell him that, show him that. If you want him to stop smoking, show him that you can give something else up for him instead.
In the video below, you will see how agreeing on standards can revolutionize your relationship for the better!
TIP: By telling your boyfriend what you want from him and giving examples of where you tried to show the same attitude or behavior towards him, you can slowly reinforce the principle of ‘do what I do, not what I preach’ in a good way. This will kick the habit of double standards right in the butt!
Aristotle claimed that there are three distinct types of relationships with only one of them ever providing depth, meaning and fulfillment.
I truly hope the first two don’t apply to you!
Relationships of selfish pleasure
These relationships are mainly driven by just having a nice time when you are together. You might have passionate sex and playful banter, but unfortunately they go no deeper than that and your interactions stay on the surface. These types of relationships are mainly about immediate pleasures to the body and ego. They don’t nurture you with insight, encouragement and development, and will probably not bring you true happiness if you cannot establish a more connected bond with your boyfriend.
Relationships of selfish utility
Does your boyfriend seem to crave greater wealth, status, fame, power, glory, or beauty by merely being with you? Do you? If so, one of you might be looking to benefit from being with the other. This kind of relationship usually doesn’t help you nurture and enhance your life.
Relationships of selflessness and shared virtue
With such a profound name (although translated), these relationships take time. They are formed only when you are with a person who stimulates you, challenges you, inspires you and encourages you towards reaching your fullest potential. This is truly selfless!
You can build such a relationship by encouraging your boyfriend to help you become the very best version of you, instead of focusing on your looks, confidence, talents or status.
Only genuine man can be attracted to a genuine woman.
As I mentioned, this kind of relationship takes longer to develop, but with patience, it can outlast the test of time.
It will be a relationship of – what we call today – ‘soul mates’.
Learn three more harmless questions that will change how he sees you and how he feels about your relationship.
Check out this video course that helped me build the loving relationship I am in today.
BA, MA Psychology (and Conflict Resolution), University of Cambridge (2007). With a decade of trial and error in psychology and 33 years of navigating my own complex (that's one word for it!) relationships with family, friends, co-workers and men, I hope I have some useful knowledge and skills to share with my readers about making sense of relationships and trying to become a better person every day.