Dating an Introvert – The (Quiet) Benefits

Most people only see the bad that can happen if they ever decide to mingle with an introvert. They think that you’ve to put up with his quietness.

You have to tip toe and be careful with your choice of words. You can’t shout. There should not be loud music.

Whatever is included on the checklist, the bottom line is you’ve to be cautious around an introvert.

So imagine the horror of dating an introvert for real!

Well, that horror is only in your imagination. Dating an introvert may not be loud and all pocket full of sunshine, but it has a lot of advantages. And all of those benefits are very fulfilling.

He has a deep sense of self

Since introverts are the quiet types who love to reflect on things, he knows himself more than the boy next door knows his address. Dating an introvert can guarantee you that he knows what he wants. This leaves you no doubting questions, such as “Does he really like me?” If he’s dating you, he likes you for real because he’s not a big fan of fooling himself.

Most relationships don’t see the light of day because one out of the two in the relationship doesn’t really know what he or she wants.

With the introvert guy beside you, you don’t have to worry about this.

You Occupy His Mind

And you’ll fool yourself if you say that it doesn’t make you feel good. Since introversion drives them to stay in their own heads, the guy will most likely think about you on good days and on bad. And you know what that also gives you? The guarantee that dating an introvert means dating someone who also knows you well.

He Is Less Likely To Cheat On You

What can you say? Introverts are not social people. They won’t need to be at the hottest party every Friday night. He won’t need to have boys’ night out where there’s plenty of smoking and beer. That also means less chance for him to find a girl that he’ll like more than you.

And if he ever decides that it’s not you who makes his heart skip a beat anymore, you’ll know because he is honest. He won’t cheat; he’ll be straight to the point about it.

He Wants To Take Care Of You

Dating an introvert means that you’ll date someone who has the need to take care of you instead of the other way around. Why? It’s because there are only a few people who matter in his world, and you’re one of the lucky ones. He knows that you’re one of a kind so he has to take care of you to maintain that connection.

This is so unlike other guys who want the world to know that their girl cannot live without them. These guys are so self-absorbed that they are far from reliable. Introverts are the opposite—send them a text that you need them, and they’ll come running because they genuinely care about your well-being.

He Is Less Likely To Be Loud or Too Emotional

When you’re dating an introvert, your lover won’t even raise his voice. Sometimes, it’s very frustrating that you cannot get him into a heated discussion, but the good side is that he’s a great listener. He’ll let you do the talking, and when you’re ready to let him speak up, he will do so with gentleness.

If you want his honest opinion, all you’ve to do is ask. Tell him that it’s important for you to know what he thinks. You’ll be surprised at how much he can solve a conflict!

Dating an introvert isn’t a hump filled with alarms – it’s a pot full of gold.

Sshh… I’m Dating an Introvert

There’s something to be said about a guy who speaks his mind the moment a thought comes out, and a guy who keeps quiet, but his mind is running a thousand miles a minute.

It’s appealing for a girl to date a man who can be in control of the relationship, a man who always wants to be in charge.

Novels often call them an alpha male; they do as they please and they don’t give a cent what you think about them.

However, there’s also a thrill in dating an introvert.

He is shy, reticent, and quiet. He doesn’t speak often, but you know that he’s thinking.

The appeal is that when he does talk, you really have to listen because it’s important; if not, he won’t waste a breath. So, how can you tell if you’re dating an introvert?

Common Signs You Are Dating And Introvert

But how do you know for sure that the guy you’re dating is an introvert in the first place? Well, there are ways. Let’s look at some of them now.

He Isn’t Talkative… Around People He Doesn’t Know Well

The common misconception with introverts is that they are shy, period. The truth is, introvert men are capable of being talkative– they just choose the people to be talkative with. Thus, when you’re dating an introvert, you can’t help but DEFEND them when people say, “He’s just really shy.”

You’re Always the Spokesperson of Your Duo

Whenever you’re with a group of people (much to your date’s displeasure), you don’t have a choice but to be the one to tell the story of when you met, how long you’re into the commitment, what you did for Valentine’s Day, etc. Don’t expect him to answer questions; chances are he won’t. It’s one of the “perks” of dating an introvert.

You Won’t Know Such Thing as ‘We Yelled at Each Other’

So, when you fight, no matter how frustrating the topic is, and how mad you’re at each other, you won’t be able to stir him out of his composed self. He won’t yell back at you even at the excruciating times when you want him to. You’ll just have to make do with “heated” arguments. And most of the time, you lose, because you speak without thinking while he will think—a lot before even uttering a syllable.

You Can Literally See His Brow Twitch at the Idea of Wild Parties

When Christmas is coming, or maybe New Year’s, or just a simple 18th birthday of a friend, and you sit him down on the couch to tell him that there’s a party you’ll have to attend—you’ll see him twitch. He won’t speak; he might frown and scrunch his nose, but he won’t argue. Perhaps, it’s one of the most entertaining parts of dating an introvert. And then there’s the time when he’ll have to pick one of those silly excuses so you won’t have to attend. Really entertaining.

And When He Has No Choice But to Agree to a Party…

This is perhaps another entertaining but more frustrating perk of dating an introvert. They’ll agree to go to an event, but mind you, not without a fight. He’ll ask you a gazillion questions and you’ve to give him the answers he wants to hear. How long should we be there? Who’s coming with us? Are they talkative? Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

His Silence Makes You Mad

At times when you tell him a story, and he just sighs or stares at you, you’ll feel really insecure about what he is thinking. And this may result in a “heated” argument as what was mentioned earlier.

You Share a Bond Unlike Any Other Couple

The most fulfilling thing about dating an introvert is the knowledge that he opens up to no one but you. And that he’ll tolerate you because he loves you.

3 Common Misconceptions Regarding Dating an IntrovertQuiet! He’s An Introvert, and We’re Dating—Any Advice?

Whether you’re a girl or a guy, if you know yourself to be an introvert, then you must have suffered a great deal growing up. Of course, there’s still a chance that you’re one of the few who did not go through at least some bullying, but if you did, you were never alone.

Introverts are always subjects of scrutiny because they are so quiet that they stand out like a red thumb. Since they don’t fight back, they are usually the focus of hateful little monsters at school. So, what would it be like if they fell in love? Would they finally come out of their shells or would they retreat even more?

If you want the first answer more than the second, you need guidelines for when you’re dating an introvert. No, they are not laws—they can be bent the way you want and the way they will fit into your commitment. They are just general tips.

Guidelines when dating an introvert:

It’s Never a Bad Thing

Please defend your lover whenever someone talks about introversion as a form of mental illness. It’s not an illness, and it isn’t even a negative thing. Dating an introvert means you’ve the responsibility to educate your friends, even though they don’t get to spend time with your partner.

Introversion is more than just shyness; it’s even more than just quietness. It’s actually about preferences. He finds it more fulfilling to talk to a small group and form a knit bond with them than party all night and make good-time friends. When you’re dating an introvert, you’ll enjoy it.

Understand Each Other

You have a point; nobody is going to tell you that you don’t. Just because you’re dating an introvert doesn’t mean that you also have to turn into one. But it also doesn’t mean that you can whisk him away and shove your friends in his face.

If there’s ever a need to incorporate your lover into a gathering, make sure that you start out small. In fact, choose for him to meet the people closest to you first. Early in the relationship, once a month will do, until he’s comfortable with the people you’re also comfortable with. And when he really isn’t needed in a wild party, give him his solitude.

He Cares

There are frustrating bumps in a relationship when you fight. And you’ll raise your voice complete with big gestures while your partner just sits there—unmoving. The only things you’ll get from him are sighs, whispers, frowns, and twitching. This will only frustrate you more because it seems like he cares not one bit about what you’re arguing about.

He cares. He’s just really not big on arguments. The best course of action when dating an introvert is to start out quiet during heated discussions. Tell him it angers you when he doesn’t speak his mind. He’ll understand, and you’ll feel relieved to know that he has some great solutions.

His World, Your World

While you may be living a very different life than him, it’s good to be connected frequently. Get to know him more. What does he love doing? Can you find it in your heart to try it out? It can be anything that doesn’t involve bursting stereos and beer bottles. The truth is, dating an introvert is quite simple. It’s just a little quieter than most relationships. So, consider reading a book, watching movies at home, or cooking dinner.

Talk, Talk, Talk (Privately)

He may not be fond of talking to other people, but trust me; he loves communicating with you. So don’t be fooled into thinking that he’s quiet even around you. Initiate and you’ll be rewarded.

dating an introvertExtrovert Loves Introvert – Do Opposites Really Attract?

Perhaps the most confusing combination ever made in the history of romance—what if extrovert girl is attracted to an introverted man? And then introverted man happens to like her too? So… they start dating. Do you think their relationship will always be on the rocks, seeing that girl here likes to party and be everyone’s friend and her boyfriend is always inside his own head?

Is dating an introvert really a call for disaster? Is the relationship doomed from the start? No, of course it isn’t. Commitments between non-introverts and non-extroverts also happen to end badly if the lovers don’t keep their issues sorted the right way. So, if extrovert girl and introvert guy in our scenario are able to discuss things with love and patience, they might be able to pull it off way better than “with edge” bonds.

The socialite and the, well, the introvert – This is perhaps the hottest issue when it comes to dating an introvert. The good thing here is that the girl’s schedule won’t be ruined because the guy suddenly has a boy’s night out. That’s highly unlikely seeing that our quiet boy is… quiet. The bad thing here is that “their” socialization will be limited to what the introvert guy will agree to. And mind you, he can be very picky.

The solution is to just talk it out and meet half way.

Even those not dating an introvert can get by using this advice.

Advice For Dating An Introvert

Third Party, Fifth Wheel, or an Affair

Whew! Girl, no worries. Since most of the people in your circle believe that introverted guys are boring guys, girls won’t flirt with him—at least not a lot of them. And if they do, another perk is your man will be faithful. He likes to keep his circle small (that includes you, wow!), so the chances of him returning the interest are really low. That’s a really good benefit of dating an introvert.

The Problem Might Be This

As the extrovert and bright girl that you are, initiation of flirting and intimacy will almost always fall on your shoulders. He’s so shy so he’s likely to just stare at you for the better part of your date. But, be warned; don’t let him get used to it. You also have to communicate if you’re tired of being the one to give a hint. This part can make dating an introvert an exhausting romance story.

And When the Problems Arise

When conflicts arise between the two of you, prepare a bucket of patience, or maybe even two. The first reason is because during a fight, it’ll be hard for you to get some reaction out of an introvert. His responses may be monotonous, making you feel like it’s a really, really small issue when the truth is it’s a big deal. It just seems like he doesn’t care.

And for those times when the conflict requires an immediate solution, ha! Brace yourself because he’ll take his sweet time in dealing with it. He doesn’t do it intentionally to make you mad; it’s just that he wants to process things more accurately.

The good news is that he won’t opt for violence; he will talk to you gently, and the solution he’ll most likely come up with is a very, very good one. Plus, he’ll be sweet and caring all throughout the argument. So, yes, dating an introvert pays off big.

These are the top three issues that a commitment faces, and dating an introvert won’t make you an exception. It’s just that you’ll have to deal with it differently.

Date Me, Don’t Be Shy!

Be honest. You know deep down that the shy types are most often ignored by girls. We’re blinded by the stereotype that claims men should be tough and must keep their stand the alpha-male way. Sometimes, we fail to recognize the perks that dating an introvert guy can bring us.

Before listing the benefits, it’s important to first realize that there’s more to an introvert than just being plain shy and quiet. I’m sure you’ve heard of the quote “silent waters run deep.” Introverts pretty much work that way. They don’t often talk, but you can see the wheels of their minds run very fast. And you might be surprised at how talkative they can be when you manage to get past their hard-built defenses.

So, let’s not make you wait any longer—here are the top benefits of dating an introvert!

dating an introvertTop Benefits of Daring An Introvert

He’ll Never Argue With You… Publicly

Dating an introvert ensures a very well-behaved and peaceful relationship, at least in a sense. No matter how big your fight is, he won’t talk you down or raise his voice in a public place. Unlike macho males, they won’t manhandle you into submitting, but be very cautious because the glares and sighs of an introvert are very meaningful. Still, though, it’s quieter than shouts.

Be Entertained With His Shyness

Admit it, early in the relationship, it’s nice to see a man blush! Their blushes can entertain you all throughout your date; tell him he looks handsome, and his blush could mean anything from “thank you” to “you look beautiful.”But the moment he stops blushing for you doesn’t mean that he’s immune to your charms; in fact, it means that he’s comfortable with you around.

He Will Listen to You Really, Really Well

Dating an introvert usually means the conversation is one-sided. Not all of the time, but most of the time, yes. If you’ve problems, he’ll readily listen, but he’ll only speak up if he has important things to say. At times when he feels cheerful, you get about a hundred words from him, so be thankful for those rare occasions.

There’s No More Decent Guy Than An Introverted Decent Guy

At least in theory, dating an introvert means you’ll have no problems with “drinking sprees,” “smoking sessions,” and “boys’ nights out.” He’ll be content with just cuddling with you on the couch while you watch sappy movies and munch on junk food. You’ll always feel rewarded each time he becomes sweet and caring because you know deep down that it’s real.

He Is Intellectually Honest

Introvert guys, albeit quiet, are very honest with their opinions. He may not talk, but his gestures (like the eyebrow twitch, and glaring, and even the mere closing of his eyes as if asking for more patience) will speak a lot. Really, introvert guys are honest. When dating an introvert guy, it may even frustrate you that he’s TOO open with his gestures. He may not have a way with words, but he sure does with actions.

The joy of knowing there’s you and only you – When you talk to him openly and when he suddenly keeps quiet because an “intruder” happens to enter the picture, you’ll feel really fortunate. It seems like there’s a sanctuary built around you, one that he won’t share with others.

Dating an introvert is unique – Believe it or not, introvert guys are unique. They are like a red apple in the midst of greens. Although it’ll be a bad idea to date them just for uniqueness’ sake, when one comes along, take advantage of this benefit.

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Ava Moore
BA, MA Psychology (and Conflict Resolution), University of Cambridge (2007). With a decade of trial and error in psychology and 33 years of navigating my own complex (that's one word for it!) relationships with family, friends, co-workers and men, I hope I have some useful knowledge and skills to share with my readers about making sense of relationships and trying to become a better person every day.

I'm the Chief Editor here at Independent Femme and would love to hear from you.

1 thought on “Dating an Introvert – The (Quiet) Benefits”

  1. My hubby is an introvert in all
    the ways you’ve outlined. I’ve accepted this for 24 years now. He had an affair 16 years ago and left to live with her but was begging to come back within 2 weeks. I let him
    Back! My only other issue has been when recently another women pursued him (with a birthday card on his birthday and invite for Xmas drink) he went secretly because he’d know my reaction – not happy! She gave him attention and he responded by secretly texting/meeting her – but I found out! (Through perception) There’s nothing in it (so he says) and I believe him it was a female work friend and was to be a group work
    Xmas drink but no one else could go – he’s been so remorseful since but I’m still upset by it. I’m sort of over it but being he’s so introvert I wonder how he deals with it? On his own I guess doesn’t need anyone. He never goes out as he had no friends. He’s been very remorseful since and says I should get over it – it’s just upsetting. I have so many friends but my life revolves around what he wants; very little social life and me lying to friends when he doesn’t want to go anywhere. Your article had been an eye opener to the introvert so thanks for that Ava. By the same token, I can’t help being extrovert lol

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